Allow me to whine. I'll do it poetically. I'm not a full time writer. It's a hobby I've been doing since I was in middle school. I have written and completed two books, and I'm well into writing my third book.
Once upon a time I thought I would never even finish writing even one book. Goal posts change. People change, despite the old adage that they don't...they do - if they try. So I tried to write and finish a book. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's easy to become paralyzed in the first chapter when you realize you are the decision maker for every single thing and you can't get caught up on small things in the first draft. The first draft just begs to be completed.
For me, my first book was meant to be the first in a trilogy. After I finished the first one I immediately plowed into writing the second book in the trilogy. However, about half way through the second book I knew there were serious issues with the story and world I had created, due to feedback from an agent, and needed to stop writing it in order to get someone to edit and help me with the story challenges. And then one night during the pandemic, I was watching either Gilmore Girls or Great British Baking, something I'd seen before where my mind was totally watching, if you know what I mean, and it popped into my head what I should do. My intuition works this way - I will ask for clarity and an answer and it comes to me, always. And I knew I should stop writing the sequel to my first book, get the first book edited, and change gears into writing a stand alone story I've been teasing around in my mind since I was in high school.
To say my third book, Saving Roan McGillis, flew out of my fingertips as if magically coaxed would be only a slight exaggeration. I completed it in eleven months. It's historical fiction, so I thought the historical elements might hold me up, but I've been reading historical fiction a long time and I realized I was low key studying how different writers approached specificity in their work. I surprised myself with how quickly I could write a book if I wanted to get it done. The words arrive when I show up to the page, story is always there to hold my hand.
While I was writing Saving Roan McGillis, I was having my first book looked at by an editor, no one fancy - I don't have that kind of money - we're talking a Fiverr contractor. Once I finished writing Saving Roan McGillis, I decided to take a writing break and mull over the feedback I'd received. I was just talking to a writer friend about how it's difficult not to take things personally when you get feedback that isn't great. I knew I had work to do in order to honor the story I was trying to tell, so I finally figured out ways to improve upon my first book, The Orchard, and re-write it, pretty much. I'm over 100 pages into my re-write. It was going well, but then I was called to start another stand alone book.
Meanwhile, I only shopped Saving Roan McGillis to three potential agents and didn't hear back from any of them, so I just focused my energy on writing my next stand alone story. It's based on a short story I wrote in the MFA program I was in at the University of Baltimore. Tilly Holloway is a healer who lives in the hills of West Virginia, with a gift that's passed down through generations matrilineally. Her daughter ran away from the calling, but her granddaughter, Ruby, is now in her custody and learning her place in the community. I've got the book mapped out and it's ready to go. I'm about 70 pages into writing that one. I think it's titled The Calling.
I also write poems. In fact, that was actually the focus of my time in the MFA program. I've been working on a collection over the past several years called Parking Lot Poems.
But this is America in 2024, and I need to work to pay them bills. I have a job underneath all of this writing activity, and my job has nothing to do with my creative interests and hobbies. I've been struggling with the costs of life like everyone else. Saving up for really good editing services is so hard when that money should be going to fixing things in my house and keeping my animals alive.
If I were to go down the traditional publishing path, I would still be looking at several years of trying to find an agent, selling my book to a publisher, marketing, and launching it. If I were to self-publish, I would be looking at editing, marketing and launching on my own, but the process would be quicker. I look at the self-publishing path and honestly feel exhausted just thinking about all the effort it will require. But isn't that true for the traditional publishing path as well?
It begs the question: why publish at all?
I don't know! I clearly love the writing process more than the editing and publishing bit. Stories are written to be shared though, and I do want to share what I write. I don't know if I will establish a fan base or some readers who like my style, but there are bound to be a few out there, and maybe they are exactly who I am writing for in the end.
That was my lament. Not so poetic after all. Just another writer in love with writing and not the business end of the art.
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